


The Episodes

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Dissociative Identity Disorder, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Multiple Personality Disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-13
Updated: 2013-04-13
Packaged: 2017-12-08 08:45:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/759417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>There was something wrong with Zayn. That much was obvious.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Episodes

**Author's Note:**

> Based off a prompt on Tumblr asking for:
> 
> Zayn has Dissociative Identity Disorder (or, multiple personality disorder) but doesn’t tell the boys. But quickly, the boys start noticing that sometimes, he becomes a very hateful person, although he can’t do anything about it. Liam talks about it with Zayn, and things get angsty, but a fluffy ending?
> 
> P.S. I know nothing about DID, and although I did some research before writing this, I apologise if my representation of it is nowhere near accurate

There was something wrong with Zayn. That much was obvious. Liam made a point to know all his bandmates pretty much inside out so that he would know what to do if something was bothering one of them, and it was exceedingly clear that whatever was bothering Zayn was having a huge effect on the whole band. 

For months now he'd been acting strangely - or at least, he had some of the time. That was the most complicated thing about whatever it was that seemed to change his behaviour as often as the direction of the wind: it never seemed to last long enough for one of the boys to truly be able to lay a finger on what was going on. It just seemed that one minute Zayn could be his usual laid back, happy go lucky self, and the next something in him would snap. He would turn suddenly moody or downright angry with the whole world, or (even worse) one of them individually, and the boys would have to spend the next hour or day or even longer trying to avoid him for fear of increasing his temper yet further. 

They knew that they should have no reason to fear their friend, who normally wouldn't hurt a fly, but the hatred that would fill his eyes during what they'd all decided to call his 'episodes' was enough to make them at least a little nervous that they could say or do the wrong thing and he might well lash out at them, be it with his fist or his tongue. The strangest thing was, though, that after every one of his episodes Zayn would come back to them, slowly sometimes, gradually edging his way back into their friendship, or at other times faster as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened at all. And no matter what had happened before, every time he would say nothing about it. 

At first all the boys presumed that he simply wanted everyone to forget about it, but when it happened the fifth time and he still didn't apologise they knew something was wrong. Zayn was not a rude person, and when he had an argument with them (such as when Louis and Harry decided to steal all his hair styling products, or when Niall ate his entire box of Thornton's chocolates), he would usually say sorry afterwards even if he wasn't in the wrong. This was totally different, and if Liam was honest it scared him. Because when Zayn was in one of his... episodes, he wasn't himself - he was someone who Liam was scared of and sometimes thought he hated. And yet Zayn, the normal, ordinary, wonderful Zayn, was someone who Liam was almost certain he was in love with. 

***

It all came to a head one weekend when Liam was round at Zayn's flat cooking him dinner. They did couply things like this all the time - going out to the cinema and cuddling together on the back row, baking cakes for each other and laughing at how disastrously they turned out – so that they had been asked in full seriousness on a number of occasions whether they were, in fact, dating. They weren't, of course, and although Liam had to admit that he would prefer it if they were, he loved their friendship how it was. Honestly, he wouldn't even want to risk ruining everything they had for the sake of actually being with Zayn, or at least that’s what he told himself when Louis would ramble drunkenly at him on a night out that he needed to get his act together and (using his best Sebastian impression) ‘kiss the boy’. 

And, admittedly, Liam wouldn’t mind being able to kiss Zayn, to feel his lips pressed against his while his fingers brushed across his toned stomach and strong arms, to buck his hips upwards and hear the knock of bone and muscle and feel the press of the other boy’s… 

So caught up was he in this train of thought that he completely forgot about the onions he was frying until the fire alarm went off, high pitched and wailing above his head. With a gasp he jumped in the air, looking down at the now cremated onions in the frying pan in front of him, then tried to get his hands to stop flailing about and instead reach up to remove the battery from the alarm so that the horrible noise would end. Trust him to have got lost in less-than-innocent thoughts about his best friend and end up ruining the meal he was preparing for the both of them. 

However, he was certain that Zayn wouldn’t mind too much, and would just laugh and order pizza when he saw what a failure Liam’s cooking had turned out to be – that is until he turned and saw the older boy stood in the doorway, a thunderous glare on his face. By this time, after months of Zayn’s abnormal behaviour, Liam could immediately recognise when his bandmate was having one of his ‘episodes’: his eyes would grow large and wild; his voice would deepen in anger; he would generally show all the signs of being apoplectic with rage, only multiplied tenfold. This was clearly one of these times. 

For a minute they just stared into each other’s eyes, Liam’s widening as he realised what was going on and that, unlike every time before when he’d been surrounded by the other members of the band when Zayn had turned on him, he was alone and defenceless and actually really rather terrified. 

Then Zayn finally spoke, his voice harsh with rage and spiky with hatred. “What the fuck just happened, Liam?” 

Liam focused all his attention on trying to make his own tones as soothing as possible, although he knew from past experiences that it would probably be to no avail. “It’s fine, it’s ok, I just burned the onions, that’s all.” 

Instead of calming down, Zayn frowned deeply, breathing heavily although it was clear from his next yell of temper that he was doing nothing to keep a lid on his anger. 

“Why did you burn them, you fucking idiot? I thought you were meant to be good at cooking!” His heavy breaths were the only sound in the room, then he cried out again. “Why the hell did I even think you’d be good at it, you’re not good at anything, are you? Singing, dancing, cooking – no wonder all the other boys actually hate you!” 

Liam’s gaze was focused so completely on Zayn’s face and his mind on trying not to cry that he didn’t even notice that his friend was gripping a mug that had been resting on the side in the kitchen until his knuckles were white. He didn’t even see Zayn lift it up behind his head and propel it forwards until it was too late and the crockery was flying through the air towards him at a rather impressive pace and Zayn was still looking at him like he wanted to punch him or murder him or possibly both. 

The mug smashed into pieces as it hit the wall just next to Liam’s head, the shards of porcelain falling to the ground as the ‘ _crash_ ’ reverberated around their ears thanks to the acoustics of the kitchen. Everything seemed to freeze for a moment. 

Then Liam witnessed the strangest thing he thought he would ever see in his life. One minute Zayn was glaring at him, his face full of anger and hatred, and the next his eyes were clamped shut and he’d turned so pale that Liam was certain he was going to faint. Instead, though, Zayn blinked several times, leaning against the doorframe for support, then when his eyelids flickered back open again he looked completely different. 

His eyes were still wide, only this time it was in shock rather than anger, yet his mouth was also hanging open as he attempted to find something – anything – to say in response to what had just happened. He was staring at the broken mug as though he’d never seen it before in his life; in fact his whole face was a picture of total confusion while his gaze remained transfixed on the object of his destruction. Eventually he recovered his speech, but even then he wasn’t making much sense. 

“I – what the… I mean, what hap – am I…? Did I…? Liam?” The last word was nothing short of a plea, a desperate cry for some sort of explanation as to the events that had just occurred, but his best friend could think of nothing that would succinctly describe how he was feeling just then, so instead remained silent. 

After a moment, Zayn’s lower lip began to wobble and even in the dim light of the room, Liam could spot the tears in his eyes before the older man turned and ran down the hallway to his bedroom, throwing the door closed behind him. The slam was carried all the way down to the kitchen, where Liam was still stood in exactly the same position. 

***

Liam wasn’t sure how long he stood there for in the now almost eerie silence, feeling the pulse in his neck gradually slow down to something closer to normal, and blinking back the tears that were threatening to spill from his eyes. He was not going to cry – this situation was far too serious for that, and right now he had the problem of Zayn to deal with. 

He had no idea what had just happened: his friend had not only freaked out to the point of throwing crockery at him, but had then appeared to change back to his ordinary self right in front of Liam’s eyes! There was nothing he could think of in that moment to explain the transformation, nothing that could go anywhere near making sense of it all, and the only person who could possibly offer an explanation didn’t exactly seem in a fit state to do so. Regardless of this, Liam knew that he had to talk to his friend, if only to comfort him, so with a large, preparatory intake of breath he summoned up his courage, persuaded himself that nothing truly terribly could happen now that the worst had been done, and set off down the corridor towards Zayn’s locked bedroom door. 

It broke his heart to hear the poorly disguised sobs coming from the other side, but it still took him a few seconds to work up the nerve to rap three times in quick succession on the door and wait for a response. None was forthcoming, so he tried again, this time calling out gently as he did so. 

“Zayn? Please let me in! I – I need to talk to you, mate!” 

Zayn’s response, when it finally came, was choked with tears and sounded like it was trying desperately hard not to be a yell. “No! What if I hurt you again?” 

Sighing, Liam realised that his own that his own inhibitions about the conversation he wanted to instigate were nothing compared to Zayn’s – he remembered how the other boy never seemed to recall his episodes and realised how terrifying it must be to find out you’d been violent towards your own best friend while seemingly totally out of it. Zayn must be scared that everything he now did was out of his control! 

“You won’t,” Liam told him reassuringly, wishing he was in the room so that he could wrap an arm around Zayn and hold his skinnier body close to him. “I trust that you won’t. Just please – let me in.” 

It took a good minute or so, and Liam had almost given up by the time the door finally opened to reveal a rather scared and sheepish looking Zayn. Liam didn’t say anything, he didn’t need to – he simply wrapped Zayn up in a tight, crushing hug that promised to never let go if necessary, all the while whispering in his ear _‘it’s ok, don’t worry, it’s gonna be ok’_. He only partially believed the words himself, but God knows they needed some positive thinking at a time like this! 

When they finally pulled away from the embrace, Liam nodded towards the bed to suggest that they should sit down. Zayn complied, letting go of his friend with a sigh and delicately placing himself down on the edge of the mattress so that Liam could sit next to him. 

“Now,” said Liam after a terribly long pause. “Are you going to explain what’s been going on?” 

The verbal diarrhoea that burst from Zayn’s mouth was difficult to follow, but Liam frowned along, nodding occasionally and finally gasping when the truth was revealed. How could he not have seen it before? 

Zayn explained to him that ever since he was younger he had struggled from multiple personality disorder, and that although he often had bouts of amnesia when it came to what he did while in another of his identities, he knew that his main other personality was violent and angry and vicious towards others. His voice broke several times during his speech, and on more than one occasion he simply went into a long string of apologies that Liam would soothe away by holding him close and telling him that it was fine and he was completely forgiven for everything he’d done. 

Once the speech was over, Liam was staring at Zayn with wide eyes. 

“Why did you never tell us?” was the first thing he could think to say, and it sounded like a reasonable enough question. Why on Earth had Zayn kept such a massive secret to himself all these years? 

Zayn just shrugged, looking anxious and embarrassed. 

“I guess I didn’t want you guys to think I was a freak or something…” he muttered, and just as Liam was about to but in with a remonstration that they would never have thought anything of the sort, he spoke back up with a trembling voice. “You – you’re not mad are you?” 

The question was so ridiculous that Liam would have laughed if it wouldn’t have been entirely inappropriate under the circumstances. “Mad? Of course not Zayn! You have a medical condition – why the hell would I be mad at you for something you can’t even control? And anyway, I love you, Zayn." 

Zayn looked at Liam with smiling, tear-filled eyes at that, reaching to put an arm around his best friend as he tried to find the words to sum up the immense gratitude he felt at how damn understanding he was being. He had known better than to expect a tirade of angry words from the always placid, logical Liam, but after the way he'd been acting over the past few months he reckoned he deserved at least a punch before his apologies were accepted. He wanted to tell Liam that he couldn't believe he'd taken this all so well when it was hardly a normal thing to reveal, that he wished he'd told him sooner and had been able to prevent this fucked up mess in the first place, that he really loved the way his body was now pressed against his all down one side as his hand found its way to Zayn's waist and stayed there, stroking small circles for no apparent reason other than it felt right. 

Instead, however, all he could find to say was: "I love you, too." 

Liam smiled amicably, but Zayn needed more, needed a reaction, needed him to know how he truly felt about him. 

"No, I mean I really love you, properly, more than I've ever loved anyone else in the world. I don't know why I’m telling you this now, but fuck it, I've already told you more today than I ever thought I'd tell anybody about myself, so I might as well tell you this as well. I'm totally head over heels in love with you and I'm sorry if this makes things awkward between us or completely ruins our relationship but I can't help it..." 

His voice tailed off as he searched for something else to say and fill the awful silence that had fallen upon them both since his rather untimely revelation. Liam's mouth was actually hanging open, shock evident all over his face, but to Zayn's surprise his eyes were full of tears. Whether they were of anger, despair, or happiness, though, Zayn had no idea. 

"D-do you actually mean that?" he stuttered out eventually, looking so immediately hopeful that Zayn knew exactly what he needed to say next was what he'd wanted to for so many years. 

"Yes, I mean it. I love you. I think I always have." 

Silence abounded for almost a whole minute until Liam finally replied, his voice full of more happiness than Zayn had known was possible in just four words. “And I love you too!” 

He sounded almost close to tears as after years of keeping his secret he was finally able to say the words aloud. “I love you so much, Zayn, even if you have a million different personalities and all the rest hate me, I still love all of them.” 

With that he grabbed hold of Zayn and pulled him to his chest so that they were hugging more tightly than ever before, their bodies pressed next to each other as they buried their heads into each other’s shoulders. This moment was far too intimate for something as clichéd as a kiss, but right now this embrace seemed just about perfect. 

“And because I love you, we’re going to hospital tomorrow morning to see if there’s anything they can do to help you!” 

For the briefest of seconds Zayn froze again, then snuggled further into Liam’s chest as he sighed at his own worries. After all, he had Liam, didn’t he? That meant it was all going to be OK. 

_Yes_ , he thought as he felt a heartbeat against his face that he recognised as the rhythmic thumping of Liam’s heart, _It’s all going to be OK_.

**Author's Note:**

> This is really crap, I'm sorry


End file.
